If you’re in the process of getting divorced, you know what a painful and harrowing time this is, even if your divorce is amicable.
Because so many people and emotions are wrapped up in a divorce, it’s important to know what to do. Yet, it’s just as crucial to know what NOT to do.
Keep reading, and we’ll take a look at ten things you do not want to do when getting divorced.
1. Turn Away From Your Support Group
Divorce takes an emotional toll.
So while in the process of hiring an attorney and obtaining all of the relevant documents needed, be sure to surround yourself with people who can help you through this challenging transition.
If possible, you may even consider speaking with a therapist or other mental health professional who can help you keep things in perspective. And if you have friends who have been through a divorce, let them know you’ll be seeking them out for support and guidance.
Maintaining emotional stability will enable you to make smarter decisions as you continue through the process.
2. Take It Out On the Kids
Just as you need support, so do your children.
Try to minimize how much you talk about the whole divorce process unless they ask for clarification about certain issues. Then allow the conversation to be comfortable and casual.
Attempt to keep your children in their regular routines so as not to throw them off balance. And continue to do activities with them you’ve always done, such as going to the park, watching their school events, or helping them with homework.
Seeing you relaxed will help them to relax.
3. Live a Lifestyle You Cannot Afford
If you weren’t working a full-time job or didn’t bring much income into your marriage, you will probably be forced to cut back on your expenses. By the same token, if you were the primary breadwinner, you should anticipate making family support payments that will require you to rein in your spending as well.
Ideally, if you’re the custodial spouse, you will be able to remain in the home to avoid disrupting the lives of your kids. However, it may not make sense to assume the mortgage payments if it’s unaffordable. And alimony or other payments may not be enough to cover it.
As a rule of thumb, your monthly housing payment should be no more than 28 percent of your gross income. So figure out what you can afford by planning a budget around that.
4. Settle Issues in Court
Divorce is expensive enough without allowing anger and other emotions to run rampant in the courtroom. Those legal fees will quickly add up and eat into assets that could have been used for other things.
Your best bet is to settle as many issues out of court as possible. This can often be done with the help of a mediator or arbitrator.
One who has a background as a judge or an experienced family law attorney who understands the divorce laws in your state is going to garner the best results.
This doesn’t mean you’ll be able to avoid court altogether. But at least you’ll spend far less time and money on legal fees.
5. Make Decisions When Emotional
Making any decisions when emotional is dangerous. But this is especially true in the case of divorce. During this extremely emotional time, couples are notorious for making bad financial decisions, particularly when it comes to dividing property.
Of course, it’s only natural to want to hang onto things that are familiar, such as a home or a car. But keep in mind that two years down the road, those emotions are not going to be there, and you’ll see these possessions in a different light.
So give yourself time to stop and cool off before making financial decisions during this time.
6. Fail to Complete Necessary Purchases or Sales
In most jurisdictions, there will be an order issued at the beginning of your divorce case that prohibits you or your spouse from selling, buying, or otherwise encumbering or disposing of any marital property.
While it’s completely inappropriate to drain a bank account before filing for divorce, if you have a legitimate sale or purchase that’s already in the works (such as selling a rental property or upgrading your bathroom), it’s best to complete it before filing for divorce.
7. Behave Like A Single Person
Regardless of how over your marriage is, until you are legally divorced, you are strongly encouraged to not have romantic relationships with others. In most jurisdictions, this is considered adultery, even if you and your spouse are living separately.
Starting a new relationship before your divorce is filed typically doesn’t help your case.
In addition, a judge may consider the money spent on another person as dissipation of the marital estate and could require you to reimburse your spouse for those expenditures.
8. Forget about Retirement Plans
Before deciding whether to claim a percentage or lump sum of your soon-to-be-ex- spouse’s retirement plan, it’s usually best practice to get a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO).
This order recognizes your right to receive all or a portion of the benefits payable under your soon to be former spouse’s retirement plan.
Many, but not all, retirement plans require a QDRO before benefits can be paid to an alternate payee. Some individual retirement plans can be divvied up without a QDRO.
This is where it’s helpful to have a good financial team, which brings us to our next point.
9. Underestimate a Good Financial Team
A good financial team consists of a financial planner and an attorney. And while you may not think you need this, not hiring such a team could end up costing your even more once the divorce is finalized.
Modifying certain divorce agreements down the road can be difficult and costly. Plus, financial concepts are often tedious and difficult to understand. Your financial team can clarify.
10. Forget to Change Your Will
It may sound macabre, but getting divorced does not automatically revoke a will. So if your soon-to-be-ex-spouse is set to receive monies and privileges on your will, then you need to update it.
Getting Divorced Is Never Easy
Even if you have the friendliest relationship with your ex, there’s bound to be some stress and pain around getting divorced.
So just be sure you take care of yourself during this difficult time. And know that in time, things will get easier.
And for more inspiring articles on getting through tough times, keep checking back with our blog.
