Toxic relationships come in all shapes and sizes, no matter your ethnicity, gender, or age. While many forms of abuse show themselves in romantic relationships, what do you do when it’s in the form of an abusive family member?
Your family is supposed to protect you and want you to be at your best, but this isn’t always the case. So what steps can you take to ensure that you’re able to tackle your abusive family while protecting yourself?
1. Things Might Get Worse Before They Get Better
Consider all the times you’ve tried to tell someone no, whether that be a friend, family member, or a child. What was their reaction? When someone is told to not do something, they’re going to act out.
The same goes for abusive family members that you’re faced with. Those toxic people in your life have found ways to control and manipulate you that work, so they’re going to continue to do that, even after they’re told no.
You might experience a greater push back from these people when you start to stand up again them. This is because they’re beginning to understand that you won’t deal with their abusive behavior any longer. Don’t let this deter you from standing up for yourself. It will help them understand you aren’t going to back down from the choice you’ve made.
2. Establish Boundaries and Stand Firm in Them
One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to establish boundaries in the relationships you have with the toxic individuals. This will let the individual know that what they’ve been doing isn’t acceptable and will no longer be tolerated.
Be sure to firmly stand up to your abuser by telling them the actions that you won’t deal with anymore, then let them know what the consequences will be if they continue in that behavior. The key action you must take is to stand firm in the boundaries you establish.
One way to create boundaries is to know what laws are in place to protect you. One such law is the New York Child Victim Act. This law allows you to file a lawsuit against any person who committed sexual abuse towards you throughout your childhood.
Having the knowledge to protect yourself and putting boundaries in place that change the dynamic of your relationship is crucial. If you tell your abuser what will happen if they continue in their actions, but don’t follow through on it, they will continue to take advantage of you.
3. Stop Thinking You Can Fix Them
It’s not in your job description to try and fix an abusive individual. Regardless of what you do or who you are, you will never be able to change the actions taken by this person in your life.
You aren’t in control of the actions or thoughts of an abuser. They choose to carry out the abusive actions and you are not to blame for the choices they make. The only thing you are in control of in this situation is yourself. Making a key part of your life has scientifically proven to lower anxiety and create a more peaceful environment.
4. Know Who You Are – the Good and Bad
Abusers will pick apart you inner-most insecurities and make you feel like you are always in the wrong. Something important you can do is identify your strengths and weaknesses.
The toxic people if your life will use your weaknesses to tear you down and will downplay your strengths. If you’re already aware of who you are as an individual, the good and the bad, no one will be able to use them against you.
5. Be Knowledgeable About the Cycle
There is a vicious cycle when it comes to toxic individuals. In the beginning, they’re charming and attentive. Once they have your trust, there will be a crisis that makes you feel like you’re the problem, that this is your fault.
In order to decrease tension in the situation, you’ll do what they want. And so begins the cycle. Be knowledgeable about the situation and use this information to create better boundaries in your relationship.
An Abusive Family Doesn’t Define You
Just because you’re related to someone doesn’t mean you’re stuck with an abusive family dynamic forever. Knowing the signs of a toxic relationship is a big step in carefully creating boundaries within your family.
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